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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Update

It's been a while since I've posted, I know. I've been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest! Since I posted last, I've had surgery to implant a hearing device to correct my hearing loss, my house has gone under contract to sell, my wife and I have split up and she has moved out, I've been on HRT, I've packed and moved my stuff into storage, and I've signed a lease on an apartment.

So lets break it down.

1) I have conductive hearing loss and there is a device to correct it. It's called a BAHA or Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. There is a procedure to implant a titanium stud and snap in my skull just behind my ear and a digital sound processor is snapped to it. It takes sound, apmlifies it and then transmits it to the stud (or abutment is the medical term), which then uses the bones in my skull to transmit the sound to my auditory nerve, bypassing the non-existent bones in my middle ear. Pretty cool technology, if I do say so myself, and the difference is absolutely amazing! Plus it is programable, has three different setting for different environments, has volume and most importantly and off switch! It's a noisy world out there. If you want more info on it, check out the manufacturere's web site here: CochlearAmericas

The proverbial loose screw!


2)A year ago we put out house up for sale. We finally got an offer two months ago. We first listed it at $214,900. We went under contract at $150,000. The market here in Atlanta sux! We've lived in this house for more than a decade and have done a whole bunch of work. I redesigned and built the kitchen myself, including adding an island, and custom cabinets and a pantry. It's hard to see it go. It was our dream, we made it ours, and our child was brought home to it and has spent all of her life growing in this home. It's been emotionally rough. Lots of tears shed, but ultimately, we are excited at what the future may bring; if it ever closes. The buyer is beeing douche, the contractor we hired to do some work for the buyer is an idiot and the government is delaying closing 8 days because the buyer didn't get his paperwork in on time. We were supposed to close on 4/15. It's been one of the most stressfull ordeals I've had to deal with. I want it to be over.




I made that!

2) Through all of this, my wife and I have decided to split up. We've been in counseling and therapy and because of that, we've been able to navigate our separation through all of this with grace and dignity. It's a sucky situation, but we are making the best of it. We continue to love and respect one another and dedicate our lives to our child. We simply realize that we are very different people who want very different things in life and together, we would never be able to live to our full potential. I'm not saying it has been easy. There has been alot of tears, alot of anger, much confusion and a whole heap of grief. But we are working through it all, together.

3) HRT has been AMAZING! I've been on 4mg of Estradiol, 200mg of Spironolactone, and 1.25mg of Finasteride. Last week my doctor upped the dosage to 6mg of Estradiol and 5mg of Finasteride. We are waiting for the results of my blood work to test testosterone levels to see if we should increse the Spiro. I feel the changes, in my body and mind; and I love it! It took 4 weeks before I began to feel any physical effects. The first thing I noticed were my thighs began to fill out. Then my hips seemed slightly fuller and finally, I began to feel my breasts change. They grew tender and the area behind my nipples grew harder and more tender and in the last week or so, my breasts have plumped slightly! They actually bounce when I run down stairs and it's an amazing feeling! My erections have gotten softer and only happen when I stroke my clitty. My testes have shrunk considerably and my ejaculate is almost non-existant. What is there is clear and watery. My skin is softer and clearer and more sensitive, my butt is a little bigger and my face is changing ever so slightly! I've also gotten bigger in my tummy and my tricep area has gotten flabby! As a man, I had very defined and large triceps due to the type of work I did. Now they flap a little, but I'm ok with it. For now.
Emotionally, I feel calm and peacefull. I've always been more sensitive and emotional than most guys, but also prone to outbursts of anger and lost my temper easily. I haven't lost my temper at all since starting HRT. Instead, now I cry. And if feels good. Crying is such a release of negative emotion and therefore cleansing. Much more so than loosing ones temper.


I want to be the blonde

3 & 4) 90% of my stuff is in storage. I've signed a lease on an apartment and it will be ready on the 25th. I'm so excited to have a space of my own to grow in. To blossom in and to really discover the woman inside of me. I have an idea of the type of woman I want to become, but I realize it won't happen overnight. It's going to be nice to have a space of my own to develop her and allow her to grow unencumbered. I'm very excited and can't wait to get out of this house which is devoid of furniture but full of memories.
I love this vanity