This is a question I ponder quite often. It's only been a few years since I embraced the concept of being a sissy and what that means. I embraced it because it fit me. Fit me like a satin opera glove, and for the first time in my life, I felt "right". For the last couple of years I've really explored the realm of "sissy". I read blogs of other sissies, I bought my first sissy maid uniform, then my first sissy dress and panties! Lots and lots of panties. I gave up my male underwear for good and only wear soft satiny, frilly and lacy panties. I went from crossdressing once in a while, to quite often and even incorporating elements of women's clothing into my everyday wardrobe. My toenails are almost always painted and my fingernails are longer, usually with a coat of clear polish on them. I pluck my eyebrows and keep my legs and armpits shaved. To put it mildly: I fell in love with being a sissy.
I feel it is a true representation of who I really am. I didn't go through this alone though. My wife has been here by my side every step of the way. It all began through our exploration of Ds, wife led marriage, chastity and cuckoldry. She told me that she knew she could marry me the first time I cross dressed for her. As our relationship grew and we delved deeper into Dominance and submission, longer periods of chastity, slavery and protocol, I found myself desiring to be more effeminate; feminine when possible, but living more and more androgynous.
Along the way, I began noticing something. For the longest time I tried to ignore it, then I couldn't, but I chose not to do anything about it. Then, I would try to talk to my wife about it, but was afraid she would only confirm my fears, so I talked around it. Then one night, I disclosed to her a deep secret desire to have breasts. We'd joked about it in the past, but now it was out and it was real. We talked and I told her that while it was a desire, that it was more of a fantasy, because the reality would mean loosing her. Little did I know the long term ramifications of that discussion. It came to head and my fears were confirmed a few months later when she told me that she'd lost respect for me as a man and as her husband, and that adding the D/s element to our marriage was the worst thing for our relationship, in her opinion. Even though she has had relationships with transgendered people and that she admittedly is attracted to submissive sissy boys, that's not what she wants from me as her husband.
I've been in therapy for over a year now. We are seeing a counselor and trying to work things out. I've realized through therapy that my desire to transition is a deep seated legitimate desire and not necessarily a sexualized fantasy. I do think, however, that I could be perfectly happy being my wife's sissy husband if it meant finding a happy medium that would save our relationship. I'm not sure if that is something that she would even consider at this point. And quite frankly, I don't know if I can or want to deny this part of me any longer.
We'll see. Wish me luck!
Someday Maybe
I could be beautiful like them.
